5 Ways Having A Baby Changes Your Marriage

Bringing a baby into the world together is possibly the most intimate, fulfilling thing you can accomplish in marriage. But having a baby definitely does change a few things. Read below for 5 major ways having a baby changes your marriage.

1. Having A Baby Means Your Marriage Isn’t Just About the Two of You Anymore

When you’re dating, engaged, and newlyweds, the primary focus in your marriage is typically just the two of you. As it should be! This is a beautiful time to continue learning even more about your partner and how to live well together. It’s a time to figure out each other’s love languages, and how to love each other well. It’s a time to relish in the beauty of the newness of your relationship or marriage.

Now when you add a little offspring of your own to the mix, it’s no longer only about the two of you anymore. It can come as a bit of a shock just how much of your thoughts and energy are devoted to this new little person.

In the midst of the diaper changes and middle of the night feedings, you may find that you sometimes even miss your partner. What’s important to try to remember is that this phase is temporary, just like all others.

Parenting won’t always be this all consuming. Your baby will learn to sleep longer. They eventually won’t have as many dirty diapers. And you all will eventually settle into a routine that works well for your little family. And when that happens it’ll help free up more time for you and your partner to spend alone together again.

This doesn’t mean however that until then, there will be no time for intimacy or connection with one another. You may hear some people say that, but I personally strongly disagree. It’s all about finding beauty in the small moments and giving each other grace to adjust to the new normal.

It’s true, going out for a spur of the moment date night may not be as easy for awhile. Arranging childcare or taking the baby places with you may seem like a hassle sometimes. But something I have found now being two and a half years and two baby girls into this whole thing, is that after having a baby, your life doesn’t have to just “stop.”

At home date nights have become a favorite for my husband and I. The times that we do get to spend alone together can be that much sweeter because they don’t happen as often. We have to be more intentional about getting that time together now. And many times we find ourselves actually even missing our babies once we do get that time alone! Being a parent can be such a paradox.

2. The Purpose and Meaning of Your Marriage Changes

My husband and I are big holiday lovers. Before having our first daughter, we would decorate together for fall and Christmas and other holidays. We would enjoy going to family gatherings and watching Christmas movies. We loved waking up Christmas morning and opening our presents from each other and doing all the festive things. But we both always kind of felt like something sweeter was missing. We would tell each other that we couldn’t wait to share all of this with our kids one day.

Now that we do have a couple little ones, we both 100% feel that all of those things are so much more meaningful and even more fun now. My husband has actually become the main holiday decorator since I had my first baby. He normally just can’t wait to create that magic for her. He grew up seeing his parents create magical holidays for him and his siblings, and he loves being able to do that now for our babies.

Besides just holidays, there’s so many other things that become even sweeter, more meaningful, and fulfilling after having a baby together. This is one of the best ways having a baby changes your marriage. Teaching your child things together is so rewarding. From how to say their first words and take their first steps. To learning the ABCs and how to throw a ball. Seeing your baby smile for the first time and then looking at each other with goofy grins because you’re both just so enamored by this little human the two of you created.

There’s so much joy and contentment to be found in all the little moments of parenthood together. And knowing that the love the two of you share resulted in this beautiful little soul, and watching each other step into your roles as parents is such a beautiful thing.

3. Physical Intimacy Changes After Having A Baby

It’s no secret that your physical intimacy with one another will change some after having a baby. This is especially true before being cleared by your doctor to have sex. You may find yourself not wanting any part of any of that even after being cleared postpartum. Or you may be so in love with your husband and in an almost second honeymoon phase, that you can’t keep your hands off of them!

With little ones in the house, sometimes it’s honestly hard to be in the mood. When you do get any amount of alone time together, you may just want to go to sleep! And all of that is ok. And like I say with so many other things, this phase is also temporary.

It’s true that you will have to be intentional about making time to spend together. It’s important to not neglect having that intimacy with each other. And this can honestly make things even more exciting!

After having our second daughter, my husband and I had to get a little more creative about our “Mommy/Daddy time.” There were many nights that after putting the 2 year old to sleep in her room and the newborn to sleep in ours, we would sit in the living room in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine and talk and cuddle. We would take baths or showers together or eat dinner just the two of us.

I can honestly say that some of those nights we made more intimate, loving memories together than we ever did when we were able to just have the freedom to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

Having a baby in no way means your sex life or intimacy is over, ruined, or anything remotely close to that. It simply means you just have to get more intentional about making time for each other and get a little creative. And some hugs and kisses in between giving baths and reading bedtime stories never hurt anything! It’s all about finding beauty in the mundane.

4. Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

One piece of advice I’d give to anyone in a season of life of thinking about having a baby, is to have many conversations with your partner about it beforehand if possible. Now obviously life happens and sometimes pregnancies aren’t exactly planned. But the good news is you still have months before the baby gets here to have lots of open and honest conversations about it!

Talking about what each other’s opinions are regarding parenting styles is important. How each other were raised and how you want things to be done similarly or different can be eye opening. What you each want your roles to be when the baby arrives is also very important to communicate about. Now obviously before having a baby, there’s no way to know all of those things for sure. But for the most part people typically have a pretty good idea. And sometimes just talking about it can give you a lot more insight into things, both about yourself and your partner.

One way having a baby changes your marriage is by showing the two of you that you need each other to make this whole parenting thing work best. Giving each other support and help when needed can make all the difference when adjusting to life after baby. This is still true after adding another one. The most important element to this is communication.

I’m sure you’ve heard it said time and time again how important communication is to relationships and marriage. This is so true and becomes even more necessary once you start having kids. You can’t expect your partner to read your mind and just automatically know when you need help and exactly what you need them to do. Talking about all of these things both before having a baby, as well as checking in with each other often after, is vital.

Navigating all of this without having arguments can sometimes be a challenge. This is especially true if you’re sleep deprived and hormones are all over the place. So giving each other grace is also extremely important. Try to bear in mind that just as you are adjusting to this huge shift in your life and identity, your partner is as well. Try to be loving and forgiving as much as possible. Be quick to ask for forgiveness for the times when you’re not.

Finding a good balance of compromise when it comes to working together as a team in marriage and parenting can ease a lot of burdens for both of you. Things will consistently change and evolve over time, so continuing that open and honest communication will be extremely helpful and necessary.

5. You Fall Even More In Love With Your Partner

There’s something so incredibly special about creating a little human being with someone you love. I know that obviously isn’t the situation for everyone and I don’t mean to single anyone out. I’m just coming from a place of my experience being having two planned babies with my husband. We also suffered through two pregnancy losses before though, so it didn’t all come easily.

But looking into the face of your child, and seeing the best parts of both you and your partner combined in one perfect little person is amazing. It truly is one of the greatest blessings to be able to bring these souls into this world.

Seeing your partner with that little one and watching them become a parent and love that baby gives you such a deeper love and intimate connection with them. Your lives together carry on a whole new meaning and purpose. You lean on each other. You support one another through the ups and downs of parenthood.

So if you’re someone reading this who is hesitant to have a baby out of fear of it ruining your marriage or you’ve heard all the horror stories people seem to love to tell about how “everything goes downhill once you start poppin out them kids,” I hope this gives you a more positive perspective on it.

Of course having kids isn’t always easy. But it’s also not always hard. And even though having a baby does change your marriage, it also makes it so much better in many ways.

Leave me a comment below on how you feel about this topic! Are you pregnant or someone hesitant to start a family due to fearing the changes that having a baby will have on your marriage? Or if you’ve had a little one(s), what changes do you feel like having a baby had on your marriage? I’d love to hear your thoughts on how having a baby changes your marriage!

Please share!